This post has been in my drafts since January. I was unsure if I should publish it as it felt too raw. My blog isn’t a place I want to have to feel like someone else, so I’ve decided that I should publish it.
What a year.
On paper I had an incredible year. I had an incredible job, great flat in the capital of New Zealand, I walked to the office everyday. I got to go to America for WWDC & Alt-Conf and met very inspiring industry figures. I worked on my own projects. I traveled a lot.
But. I also wasn’t very happy.
I had everything I wanted and yet I was missing something. I was earning good money, but my life wasn’t as rich as I thought it should be. I felt like I was stagnant, not learning anything. I was producing quality work, but I didn’t think anything I did was ever good enough. I was very negative and self deprecating. I compared myself to others far too much.
I consumed too much internet. I had notifications for email, notifications for slack, notifications for twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Text Messages & phone calls. I was plugged the fuck in, and didn’t have time to focus on what was important.
I saw what everyone was releasing, being successful with their side projects, freelancing, having friends and family. I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing all of this, and having a life! I had no balance.
I think I burnt out.
I used to escape using anything I could. I drank a lot, partied a lot, that worked great.. for a few hours. Then I had the void again, or I felt shit for a few days afterwards. I put my focus towards learning to play music. I used to play when I was a child, and loved it. I put my headphones on, plug my guitar in, crank up the reverb, get a loop going and play. There’s are not many better things in life than that. I felt free, and alive. Fuck, I love music.
I decided that I couldn’t do this any longer so I left my job and left Wellington with the goal of, forgive me for saying this, ‘go travelling and find myself’. I needed to take a break and do something different, and I was incredibly fortunate that I was in a position that I could just drop it all.
I did some really cool stuff this year though.
- I became a citizen of New Zealand.
- I did a 49 day group tour around Europe, a 27 day group tour around the USA, and visited Canada for two weeks. I had Christmas in the UK, New Years in Edinburgh - Hogmanay!
- I turned 25.
- I met someone very special during the Europe tour.
- I started working on a Tattoo sleeve.
I’d like to continue the trend, here’s some goals that I’d like to try out in 2018:
📝 Blog once per month
📖 Read books, not Twitter/FB/Insta (reduce online consuming)
⏳ Improve focus
🎸 Produce one piece of audio per month
🚙 Launch Road Code AUS
🌀 Finish v1 of the loop pedal
✈️ Find a place to live
💜 Continue building personal relationships
And perhaps most importantly:
💆♂️ Balance life and work
Here’s to an enjoyable 2018 🍻